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Deep on a 6-day ayahuasca trip bender, a local wook wandered the remote deserts of Utah in search of the secret Tipper B2B Skrillex set that a nearby cactus told him was happening. Soon after, they stumbled across what appeared to be an ancient alien monolith emitting black cherry white seltzer, he immediately reached for his charged amethyst crystal and called upon the authorities with his energies to come investigate. The Utah Highway Patrol magically appeared through a cloud of DMT smoke to research this massive throbbing metallic structure.

The structure, estimated at between 10ft and 12ft high (about 3 meters), appeared to be planted in the ground. It was made from some sort of metal, its shine in sharp contrast to the enormous red rocks which surrounded it. It has the strength of a Chee snare.

– SubDocta, who for some reason was also on the scene on a walk with his dog, Jasper

Bro I thought that shit was just some big ass alien bong.


Hours later the monolith began vibrating with the hum of Daft Punk’s ‘One More Time’, gradually increasing in loudness until it was deafening. Harvard Scientists have determined it was none other than Daft Punk’s massive erected penis. We may be getting an album after all.

And if you’re looking for a solid playlist to follow, keep up with our weekly Spotify playlist, Fresh Hunts. All the latest releases.

Sexual harassment is an ugly, scary, but very real thing, and it’s happening all around us. Good Night Out is looking to create a community that can prevent and respond to all gender-based harms. A safe environment for everyone needs to be the new norm. Read more about what you can do to help, and get educated here.

[This article is entirely satire and a complete shitpost].

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Dariel Leiva

Electric Hawk Founder. Chicago, IL