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After breaking the internet with their state-of-the-art shlong, Utah officials have stated that Daft Punk’s robo-cock has mysteriously vanished without even a kiss goodbye. Speculations have risen that Daft Punk decided to remove their member before the wooks began to worship. And although Daft Punk hasn’t confirmed nor denied that the monolith was in fact their “metal member,” scientists everywhere agree that this is the only logical explanation.

I mean who else could be packin’ that much heat?

Neil Degrasse Tyson

Many are comparing the monolith’s erection to the second coming. People from around the globe have begun questioning the motive behind this. Some people are speculating the possibility of new Daft Punk. Some are hoping that the Utah Desert is now carrying two lil’ Daft Punk babies. While others, like myself, have fallen into a deep depression knowing that they could never hold a candle to this absolute unit.

One thing is for sure–today marks the 20th birthday of their smash hit, “One More Time.” And for this, we celebrate.

If you’re looking for a solid playlist to follow, keep up with our weekly Spotify playlist,
 Fresh Hunts.

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[This article is entirely satire and a complete shitpost].

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Hayden McGuigan

It's always about the music.

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