More than four years in the making, Xenolinguist releases her latest full-length record, Equanimity. A meditation on healing, patience, and finding clarity after years of personal transformation. Every song feels less like a standalone release and more like another page pulled from a deeply personal journal, documenting the moments that shaped both the artist and the person behind the project.
In this exclusive conversation, Xenolinguist reflects on the patience required to finish Equanimity, explores the personal evolution woven into every track, and reveals how the album shifted her perspective from chasing a destination to embracing peace throughout the journey.
Listen to Equanimity while you read the interview below!
In Conversation with Xenolinguist
seradopa: Equanimity feels like a statement piece rather than simply another collection of songs. Looking back at your journey as Xenolinguist, what made this feel like the right album to create at this point in your life?
Xenolinguist: When it was decided I would create this album, a lot of time was spent thinking about all of the albums I love and listen to over and over; the longing for the sonic serenity those albums give me, and the feeling when you hit play and drift into that familiar, safe space. These albums provided me an outline to work through thoughts and emotions. I felt that my album needed to be intentionally made to provide that experience too.
So I waited until I felt completely confident in the song choices, the flow, the track titles, the cover artist, and most importantly, my ability to ensure the best audio quality before mastering. I wanted to release it last year, but it didn’t feel ready, and I didn’t feel ready. I took my time with the whole process, and even took a break from listening to the songs for about a month before starting mixdowns and finalizing everything. Patience and intuition played the biggest roles in the timing, every step of the way.
seradopa: Every release captures a snapshot of where an artist is creatively. What version of yourself does Equanimity introduce us to?
Xenolinguist: Equanimity, musically speaking, is the album that best represents all of the versions of myself. I’ve explored so many of my favorite genres over the years, and this album takes pieces of all of them. From the songwriting and mixdowns to the release process and my perception of the whole experience, this album feels the most genuine to my intentions with Xenolinguist. Personally, this album represents a point in my life where I feel a genuine sense of mental and spiritual freedom for the first time, even when I face challenges. Everything is finally starting to make sense; I’m connecting the dots in my own mind, and I’m moving through life without allowing my past traumas to define my path. My discography is basically my diary, and Equanimity is a summary of my diary.
seradopa: Was there a specific moment where you realized this wasn’t just going to be another project, but something that deserved to become a full-length album?
Xenolinguist: There was a moment, probably 3 years ago now, that I realized I had created a collection of songs that would maybe work together as an album. Most of these songs have a similar feeling and vibe, and many began with a need to express a strong emotional reaction through songwriting. A few actually started as lyrics with guitar chords that I either recorded or tried to mimic with other sounds.
I would start with the intention to sing the lyrics over the song, but instead end up just writing an entire song where the lyrics no longer really work. If I didn’t start with guitar and lyrics, I started by building something musical and melodic that could channel a strong emotion through chords and tones. I wanted to release these songs together because they shared a similar feeling and, more importantly, helped me process those emotions.
seradopa: The title Equanimity immediately evokes ideas of balance, presence, and inner peace. What does that word mean to you personally, and how did it become the guiding philosophy behind this album?
Xenolinguist: Equanimity is a more recent phenomenon for me. My life was pretty chaotic up until about 4 years ago. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and had to start over. This was one of many traumatic experiences I’ve faced, all while still writing and releasing music as Xenolinguist. However, over the years of going through all of this, I learned more than I realized. Instead of continuing to blame myself for these experiences and fearing they would keep happening, I had to accept what happened, forgive myself and the people who wronged me, and accept that life will keep sending curveballs until the day I leave this earth.
All I can do is greet those challenges with open arms and be grateful for the lessons they teach me every day, and the growth they have inspired. The title Equanimity came from reflecting on how each song was written; how I used music to help me move forward. From the time I started the songs up to now, the concept of Equanimity has become increasingly present in my life. And of course, I found this word through the #1 source for producers finding names for things… a thesaurus! 🙂 It summed up exactly where these songs came from, and did so in a positive light.
seradopa: Intentionality seems woven into every aspect of the album. Did you ever have to let go of songs you loved because they no longer fit the vision you had for Equanimity?
Xenolinguist: From the moment I started the playlist, songs were being added and removed constantly. It took me a second to figure out which songs to include. I had to practice non-attachment and disconnect from my ego to gather songs that fit the overall intention, with clear musical ideas and emotional resolution through chordal structures, melodies, dynamics, and tone. I write songs for myself, but I release them for others to enjoy. At the forefront of my mind, I kept that in mind while selecting the songs and curating the album.
seradopa: You’ve always had a distinct sonic identity, but Equanimity feels even more refined and purposeful. What aspects of your production have evolved the most throughout making this album?
Xenolinguist: I’d say my writing and arrangement abilities and my ear for mixdowns have evolved significantly through this process. One thing I noticed is that my production abilities evolved the most once I evolved as a person and pursued a healthier lifestyle and mindset. I’ve found that mental clarity, emotional regulation skills, self-acceptance, and confidence are crucial, yet underestimated foundations for enhancing a skill set.
seradopa: Albums often become long-term companions for the artist creating them, especially this one being 4 years in the making. How did your relationship with these songs change between the first demo and the finished record?
Xenolinguist: Every song on this album went from being an emotion/feeling, to a sketch, to a complete idea, to a full song, to a clean body of work, to a piece of a journey that is the whole album. They started as Ableton projects and eventually became, essentially, little pieces of my soul. I do think they were always much more than Ableton projects, but I didn’t realize that until I put them together to tell a story and named each song after a very significant aspect of my life.
seradopa: Was there one track that challenged you the most creatively or emotionally? What made it such an important part of the journey?
Xenolinguist: “Kindheart” easily was the most difficult emotionally, but creatively one of the easiest and fastest to write. This song was written in honor of my friend who took his life, and was written right after finding out. I knew this song would be on the album as soon as I completed it. He was one of the most “kind-hearted” people I had the honor of knowing in this life. This song was written for and named after him.
seradopa: Looking back now that the album is complete, what do you think this project taught you, not just as a producer, but as a person?
Xenolinguist: So much! It easily taught me more than any release I’ve done, by far. It has helped me grow so much throughout the whole process, both musically and personally. I have a much more focused vision for Xenolinguist now, one that doesn’t rely on external success and validation. It helped me develop a better sense of unconditional acceptance and allowed me to really see the growth I’ve undergone over the past 13 years with this project, sonically and personally. But I won’t be fooled; there are always more lessons to come!
seradopa: If someone listens to the album from beginning to end without interruption, what’s one detail or emotional thread you hope they notice?
Xenolinguist: First of all, I highly recommend sitting outside and pressing play as the sunset begins. Nature puts on a pretty awesome visual and sonic experience to go along with it, and it fits the album quite well! I tried to match the flow of the songs to the flow of a sunset. I also hope that it can help move people from emotional distress or disarray to a place of serenity and inner peace. The album’s progression was very intentional, and I hope it can provide a catalyst for some kind of transformation.
seradopa: Now that this chapter is complete, has creating Equanimity changed the way you think about the future of the Xenolinguist project?
Xenolinguist: It definitely has cleared a bit up for me. This project isn’t about me anymore. I will always be selfish in my songwriting and express whatever in whatever way I feel is best at that moment. However, what I choose to release and how I release it will not be as open-ended. I want to develop a better sense of trust with my audience and listeners through consistency. This is something I have struggled with.
If I am being honest, this inconsistency is an honest expression of my life. That is why I say my discography is like my diary; scattered and inconsistent, but still beautiful in its unique way of seeing things and its adventurous spirit. Now that my life is more consistent, it is easier to hone in on my ideal sound. And as I learn to trust and accept myself more as an artist and continue to express that through sonic and personal consistency, I hope it becomes easier for fans and listeners to develop that sense of trust with the Xenolinguist project, too.
seradopa: Looking ahead, what excites you most about this next phase of your career?
Xenolinguist: With Synesthesia Festival coming in September and the Phyphr show at Cervantes in November, I’m feeling very motivated to create new material and excited to start the writing process again! However, presence is essential for my longevity as an artist. I’ve gotten my hopes up too many times with releases over the past 13 years, only to be let down by the outcome. What really excites me about the next phase of my career is the next phase of my sonic journey – writing new songs and processing more of my experiences through music to find resolution and inner peace. That being said, I’m extremely grateful for any opportunities that may come from this album!
seradopa: And lastly, when people finish listening to Equanimity from start to finish, what do you hope stays with them long after the music ends?
Xenolinguist: I hope it can provide the listeners with a sense of relief and resolution, and can inspire people to transform something in their life and expand their minds. Throughout the whole process of putting this album together, I had in mind how life swings like a pendulum from one end to the other and back again; day and night, dark and light, happy and sad, cruel and kind, lost and found, these all exist simultaneously and stimulate forward motion.
For a long time I felt lost, and through listening to music, I found myself again. Maybe this album will help someone find themselves. Maybe it will simply soundtrack a night where friends gather and connect. Or maybe someone will listen to a song or two before moving on because it isn’t what they need in that moment. Whatever it does for people, so be it. That part is out of my control. However, my wish is that it can help someone, somehow, somewhere. <3
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